This once-over comes courtesy of the German keeper in blue.
And it turns out I'm right about picking the young Germans, led by Maren Meinert and Bettina Wiegmann and Silke Rottenberg, all of whom, unbeknownst to us all, strategize with their hands on their chins. Like Team USA had any answer to this.
Still, Team USA goes through to the quarterfinals, where they'll face North Korea, where they'll likely go out licking their wounds then, licking their wounds because they sometimes lack creativity and consistency, and North Korea has been tearing roofs off since touchdown in Japan.
Team Germany, those sexy devils, will be facing Norway in the quarters. I will likely die from adorable northern European girl overload, so maybe I should say my goodbyes now.