Faster Ones

WWC 2011 Ridiculous Predictions: Team France—Possibly Less Chokey, Less Drama Queeny, Than the Men

2011-06-01T09:55:00.005-04:00

I base this on the following ridiculousness:

1. Eight players from Olympique Lyonnais, which, let's admit it, really sorta beat the hell out of Potsdam in the Champions League final, even though said team has fewer national team members, which, in the grand scheme of things, probably means very little at the club level. Or not. Think of it: Team France has eight players who've worked together for months and make football pretty and tough, like a Joan Jett video, friends. And, sure, Lyon had Schelin on the pitch, which only helped seal the deal for Lyon, but wouldn't you want Schelin on the pitch? Wouldn't you? Huh, Sundhage? Maybe over Rodriguez? And maybe over Cheney or Morgan. Admit it. You would.

2. Don't know why I worked Schelin into a post on Team France. She speaks French, though. And she's pretty fucking awesome.

3. Abily, Abily, Abily.

4. Team France once had Marinette Pichon and Stephanie Mugneret-Beghe. This, IMO, make them epically good. I don't care what you say about this.

5. Abily, Abily, Abily.

6. Camille Abily can control the midfield in a way I'm afraid few others cannot. Looking at you, Hingst. You, too, Boxx, so don't front. Let's see what you bitches can do.

No Conny, No Sonja, No Anja

2011-06-01T08:52:00.004-04:00

Sure, it could be argued that the German national team has been desexified in certain areas, but, hey—yay Müller!

Tor
1 Nadine Angerer 10.11.1978 1. FFC Frankfurt
12 Ursula Holl 26.06.1982 FCR 2001 Duisburg
21 Almuth Schult 09.02.1991 Magdeburger FFC

Abwehr
3 Saskia Bartusiak 09.09.1982 1. FFC Frankfurt
10 Linda Bresonik 07.12.1983 FCR 2001 Duisburg
15 Verena Faißt 22.05.1989 VfL Wolfsburg
20 Lena Goeßling 08.03.1986 SC 07 Bad Neuenahr
5 Annike Krahn 01.07.1985 FCR 2001 Duisburg
4 Babett Peter 12.05.1988 1. FFC Turbine Potsdam
2 Bianca Schmidt 23.01.1990 1. FFC Turbine Potsdam

Mittelfeld
19 Fatmire Bajramaj 01.04.1988 1. FFC Turbine Potsdam
7 Melanie Behringer 18.11.1985 1. FFC Frankfurt
18 Kerstin Garefrekes 04.09.1979 1. FFC Frankfurt
17 Ariane Hingst 25.07.1979 1. FFC Frankfurt
14 Kim Kulig 09.04.1990 Hamburger SV
6 Simone Laudehr 12.07.1986 FCR 2001 Duisburg
13 Celia Okoyino da Mbabi 27.06.1988 SC 07 Bad Neuenahr

Angriff
8 Inka Grings 31.10.1978 FCR 2001 Duisburg1
16 Martina Müller 18.04.1980 VfL Wolfsburg
11 Alexandra Popp 06.04.1991 FCR 2001 Duisburg4
9 Birgit Prinz 25.10.1977 1. FFC Frankfurt

I love Germany. I love Duisburg.

2011-05-11T08:59:00.001-04:00

WTF.

When Linda Bresonik Comes to Boston

2011-05-11T08:42:00.004-04:00

(Which, okay, I know it's extraordinarily likely that she just fucking won't, but, whatever—bear with me.)

Tony DiCiccio, let's hope, will not be her coach.
She can wear Puma instead of Hummel (although I bet she'd prefer Hummel).
She can drink Diet Coke here, too.
She'll guarantee Cox's spot on the bench.
She'll love Jamaica Plain.
Hell, she just might love Provincetown.
She can scoff at the numbers on the pitch at Harvard Stadium.
She could wear the captain's armband. I mean, she could.
I will go to the games again.

Oh, heavens.

2011-05-10T08:01:00.004-04:00

"Das Bizarre" and friends celebrate Simon's indoctrination into the love triangle/threesome/whatever-fucking's-next German drama story line, and what's really only a matter of time when her name starts showing up in shit like this.

Welcome, Simon. Clock's ticking.

Hi there.

2011-05-03T12:33:00.005-04:00

Dzsenifer out, Conny in. Or at least that's what this says in German. Few things bring me back from the dead, but how could this one not?

The bad news for Fräulein Pohlers is that she's been talking shit on Sylvia Neid since she wasn't initially selected way back whenever that happened, and for this reason, I smell disaster waiting to happen. It smells so awesome.

Now here's something I haven't done in a good long while:

And for what it's worth, this widely posted picture of Simon, having graced 1,001 dyke sites and message boards to date, has made my week. And if those girls can have some fun, why can't I? Here goes:

Ahh.

But what the fuck did they do to Garefrekes?

2010-04-16T11:33:00.001-04:00

Good News, WPS Fans! The Players Are Stoked About Their New Uniforms!

2010-03-23T15:05:00.002-04:00

Thank you, username ShopWPS, for such an insightful blog post today! You have NO IDEA how much better I'll sleep knowing that Leslie Osborne agrees that they are "bold, colorful and have a great cut."

Pros Excited to Sport 2010 Kits

Breakers Begin Pre-Season the Way They Ended 2009

2010-03-22T16:07:00.000-04:00

Breakers Fall to Sky Blue FC 2-0 in Exhibition Match

Awesome, dudes.

Breakers Tie Kids Under 20 2-2, Ex-Season Ticket Holders Thinking, "Oh, Fuck No."

2010-03-22T15:12:00.004-04:00

Breakers Draw with U.S. Under-20 WNT, 2-2, In Preseason Exhibition

I admit I have regret sometimes—not renewing my season tickets for the Breakers 2010 campaign. Sometimes I feel like I've turned my back on women's soccer, waiting, twirling my thumbs until the big announcement comes that the women's professional game has once again come to a halt in the United States (and like anyone would notice).

But then I think about all the Mondays I lost to the mental anguish of bullshit, nonsense, fucking Amy Rodriguez Breakers defeats. Lots and lots of Mondays—the most toward the end of the season. And, you know, the Breakers of the WUSA had a tough first two seasons, too, but those women played with far more heart and passion than anyone that makes up the Breakers lineup today. And that goes for Kristine Lilly. Boston Breakers 2001-2003 lost a lot, tied even more, but not once did you want to punch a wall when watching them. (Ask my living room about this, won't you?)

So, when I see news like this posted on bostonbreakers.com, like it's something exciting, or even something to SHARE—11 PROFESSIONAL ATHLETES CAN ONLY TIE IN MATCH AGAINST GIRLS STILL TOO YOUNG TO DRINK, should be the headline—I ask myself again—still feeling like a sellout? The answer, my friends, can be found in the title above.

WPS Fantasy Challenge: WTF?

2010-03-15T13:44:00.001-04:00

RELEASE THE KITTIES!

Question: I Wonder Why Women Step Away After Throwing a Looping Right Hook?

2010-03-06T11:28:00.003-05:00

A Sport Recoils From a Punch and Its Publicity

Griner, 19, created a major commotion, one that will be difficult for her to deflect, during the second half of Baylor’s game Wednesday night when she punched Texas Tech forward Jordan Barncastle, who had been called for fouling her with a sharp elbow, breaking Barncastle’s nose and causing both benches to clear.

Zidane: I'd "rather die" than say sorry

2010-03-01T13:07:00.002-05:00

This guy just can't get any more fabulous.

Atlanta Beat signs first German in WPS

2010-02-19T14:08:00.001-05:00

Welcome, Shelley Thompson.

Just in Case You Thought Jodi Picoult Isn't So Bad, Let Me Remind You That She Is

2010-01-03T14:41:00.002-05:00

Big Surprise: Popular Fiction Still Sucks, or Jodi Picoult Can Eat a Dick

Happy New Year

2009-12-31T11:22:00.003-05:00

Hope 2010 turns out as awesome as I think it will. I mean, really. Positivity isn't my strong suit, but for some reason, I think the Big 10 is going to be exactly that.

And don't forget to check out my love story about Elizabeth Lambert. You can leave a comment, too, if you'd like. That'd be sweet.

Oh, Christ.

2009-12-04T14:37:00.002-05:00

New Baby Elephant, (Calf), “Luk Chai” is having a ball! Cute Alert!

I would like Luk Chai for Christmas, with his big ball and everything. Thanks.

Elizabeth Lambert Dating Video

2009-12-01T13:17:00.001-05:00

Advocating for Girls’ Sports With a Sharp Tongue

2009-11-30T14:35:00.004-05:00

Advocating for Girls’ Sports With a Sharp Tongue

Raids Expose Soccer Fixing Across Europe

2009-11-21T13:42:00.001-05:00

Raids Expose Soccer Fixing Across Europe

This Time, Egyptian Riot Over Soccer, Not Bread

2009-11-21T13:35:00.001-05:00

This Time, Egyptian Riot Over Soccer, Not Bread

Little Miss Quick Fists, Little Miss Grab and Pull, Speaks to the NY Times

2009-11-18T08:50:00.004-05:00

Those Soccer Plays, in Context

And thank you, Elizabeth Lambert, for making what I thought was a totally unbelievable character of mine completely and entirely valid.

Oh, how could I forget? New 30pov.com post—click it!

2009-11-10T14:54:00.001-05:00

Seven Deadly Sins Committed Before 11:00 a.m., Devil Rejoices

Girls' Soccer Brawl Triggers Probe - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston

2009-11-10T12:05:00.000-05:00

Girls' Soccer Brawl Triggers Probe - Boston News Story - WCVB Boston

In a league of their own

2009-11-09T10:06:00.001-05:00

In a league of their own
Seniors’ fantasy football a big hit

New Mexico player's rough tactics lead to ban

2009-11-06T18:50:00.001-05:00

New Mexico player's rough tactics lead to ban

Posted using ShareThis

Converge Plays "Dark Horse" for, I Swear, Like, 40 Kids Maybe

2009-11-04T09:35:00.002-05:00

I have so much more to write, but for now, revel in this awesomeness.

Ooh-Ess-Aah Plays Like Chumps, but Still Beats the Germans 1-0

2009-10-30T10:30:00.002-04:00

Well, Bartusiak/Angerer miscommunication leaves Wambach with nothing but the opportunity to head it into the back of their net, and despite everything I've read (okay, just one thing) about this match—German domination, German domination, German domination—the U.S. celebrated a 0-1 victory on the Champions of Everything's home turf.

Thanks to the DFB highlight reel, a few things were confirmed: a very young German team looks really fucking good, Hope Solo is the best female goalkeeper in the world right now, and Amy Rodriguez sucks no matter what jersey she's wearing.

Okay, Germans. Okay.

2009-10-19T13:11:00.004-04:00

Seriously? I mean, they're not all bad, but yes...most of them are.

Now, I'm usually down with the sexification of the German women's national soccer team, but, you know what? This isn't the way to do it.

Have I Shared With You Lovelies Yet My 15 Minutes of Fame?

2009-10-19T12:36:00.002-04:00

And that's Atlantic Monthly fame, people. ATLANTIC MONTHLY.

The Bad Girl of Women’s Soccer

Breakers Lose a Big One, Hucles Gone for Good From Pro Soccer

2009-10-19T11:14:00.003-04:00

I guess all good news comes with the bad: On Tuesday, October 13, the Boston Breakers announced that Angela Hucles is retiring from professional and international soccer. Here's Angela's take on the topic:

I always wanted to involve myself in things I was passionate about and give 110 percent,” said Hucles. “I feel like I’ve come to a point where I no longer can give that much and I know that there are other players who are ready to step up to the plate in order to bring the World Cup trophy back to the U.S. and carry on the growth of professional women’s soccer in the United States as well.

This makes me sad, but then it doesn't. There are plenty of, let's say, "experienced" U.S. players who still haven't thrown in the towel and exist now only a slot fillers, providing little impact to the game. I'm sure, though—or at least hope—that they're selling some tickets for the WPS, although certainly not enough.

Hucles was a solid player who had stellar, shining moments throughout her career. Whatever it is she'll be giving 110% to now, I wish, and I'm sure the rest of the Breakers fans, too, her the very, very best.

Now, with Hucles, Mitts, and Rodriguez gone, this leaves Tony and crew to fill some major, starting-lineup spots. Whether or not Smith will come back to play in the States, we'll have to wait and see. Good to read that Jennie Nobis is getting some non-stop Swedish action right now because that's only improving her already pretty damn good game. The Breakers have also apparently "agreed to terms" with inaugural season standout Tiffany Weimer (who can start either as a forward or midfielder, I'm guessing) and Erika Hutton (who may be on tap to fill the empty hole Mitts has left behind now that she's on her way to Philly). That said, captain Kristine Lilly will most likely come back for a try at winning the title, but she has to be thinking about calling it a day now that she's pushing 40 (40, dude! Come on!). And then there's the question of Fabiana, who, courtesy of injury, never had the chance to leave her mark and now sits ready for the taking as a free agent.

That said, 2010 should bring a new face to the Boston Breakers, but since the face from 2009 was lacking some key and vital features, this can only make for a prettier picture. Lamest metaphor ever, thank you very much.

Really Freakin' Sweet Music I've Only Recently Stumbled Upon

2009-10-13T15:18:00.002-04:00

Don't know where I've been—not interested in your ideas, though.

1. DEADBIRD

2. BLACK COBRA

3. RWAKE (You need to witness only the first 1:50 of this to experience the sheer intensity of this band.)

4. KYLESA (Greece loves Kylesa.)

5. SKELETONWITCH (SKELETONWITCH!)

6. SAMOTHRACE

Oh! So THAT'S Why I Don't Look Like Her!

2009-10-09T15:01:00.000-04:00

FINALLY! A Legitimately Good Reason to Live in Massachusetts!

2009-10-09T14:44:00.001-04:00

The Texas two-step on gay divorce

The Most Disappointing Top 50 List of "Scary" Films Ever?

2009-10-09T14:32:00.003-04:00

Maybe, but it gets some cred for listing Jesus Camp—a true-life nightmare, I swear it—at No. 17. But Cloverfield at No. 12? No. No, no, no. Halloween only at 9? NO! And I think The Thing, for all the good things people say about it, is just the lamest No. 1 of all fucking time.

Top 50 scariest movies of all time

Traits with Which I Wish I Hadn't Been Born

2009-10-09T12:58:00.003-04:00

1. Overwhelming guilt, even when I've technically done nothing wrong.
2. Penchant for adopting all cute dogs, like Dixie, Scrappy, and everyone at the fucking French Bulldog Village. Would you give me a break! Especially you, Paige!
3. Love handles. Yes, they're smaller, okay, but...really?! I mean, I've got the abs, I've got the overall athletic slenderness thing going on now, but REALLY?! Do you really need to stay? And what exactly do I have to do to get rid of you? What type of crunch, mileage to run, SPINACH TO EAT? Oh, there are hundreds of books to read to beat you on this, Love Handles, and they'll be read. Yes, they'll be read. Fuck "genetics," you bitches.
4. Over-apologizing. (Sorry, Love Handles.)
5. Procrastinating on things that really matter to me. (You, too, Novel.)
6. Procrastinating on getting the MFA. (Separately only because it's so ridiculous.)
7. The inability to socialize with strangers.
8. The inability to socialize with anyone, for longer than, let's say, 20 minutes.
9. The inability to STOP socializing with dogs.
10. The ability to stall out when making lists.

Promising Signs for the Breakers in 2010

2009-10-09T10:41:00.002-04:00

BREAKERS AGREE TO TERMS WITH TIFFANY WEIMER AND ERIKA SUTTON

Totally stoked to see Weimer added to the mix; she had me completely sold on her skills during the Breakers' first 2009 match in the Bay Area. There aren't many U.S.-born players that make me say, "Who is that?" Well, Tiffany's one of them. I think she was benched for the latter half of Gold Pride's season, or wasn't playing too much because of injury. Anyhoo, she's a perfect replacement for Amy Rodriguez: fast, good field position, and thoroughly impressive ball-handling skills. Awesome.

Don't know much about Sutton. Do you know much about Sutton?

Also, so happy to see Rodriguez go to Philly. Hey, Amy—don't let the door hit you on your ass on your way out. Thanks.

New Fiction-ish Writing at 30pov.com

2009-10-01T16:32:00.001-04:00

And that would be done by yours truly, so pop on by, won't you?

Boom, Boom, Pow, or How Maggie Almost Got Hers

Get Abe Miner's Collection of Short Fiction

2009-09-18T09:19:00.002-04:00

You remember Abe as the lead singer of Fagatron. Know him now as the author of Scribble, a collection of short stories. Click here for a preview and to BUY IT.

Lest We Forget

2009-09-11T12:04:00.003-04:00

That Germany won the 2009 Euro Cup for a second time in a row yesterday.

And 9/11 and all that.

I love this stuff

2009-09-09T12:24:00.004-04:00

The only thing better was 6/6/06.

Still Alive at 35; 18-Year-Old Self Rues the Day

2009-07-08T13:50:00.001-04:00

From what I can remember, I was supposed to be dead by 35. Since I was 18, I don’t know, 21 maybe? I was supposed to be dead by now. I swore by this. I would not live to see this day.

Not entirely sure how this was going to happen. At 18, I’m guessing I was probably attributing it to drugs. At 21, who knows? Cancer, maybe. Car wreck. Suicide. Murder. You name it.

And it’s funny thinking back because I never had a life so out of control, but I guess I really wanted one. Like, fucked up beyond repair, and thus…dead.

But here I am today, very much a 35 year old, and very much alive, unless I choke on that next baby carrot.

I did not choke, but there’s six more to go.

It’s strange how I’ve hung on to the fears of my youth. At 18, or 21, I did not want to see my 35th year for reasons I can’t really explain, don’t even remember now. I think I wanted to have so much accomplished before 35 that I wouldn’t have any other reason to hang around, grow old, be a burden to my sister, her husband, my niece or nephew. And by “accomplished,” I don’t know what I meant, but I think I meant published novel, published novel, published novel. I think I mean notoriety. I think I mean living in Europe near a hillside, with beaten-down old shoes, a small vegetable garden, dog hair everywhere, and someone who loves me.

It’s funny, because I have almost all these things, minus Europe, the hillside, and the garden.

I don’t have the published novel. I have the novel, though. I also have the next four years to get to the published part. I had wanted this accomplishment before I was 30, but my college friend was right when she told a mutual acquaintance that this was a goal difficult to achieve. So then I moved it to 35. Now, today, it moves to 40.

Other things to accomplish in my 35th year:

1. Learn peace and forgiveness.
2. Try extroversion, then recoil nightly into comfortable, natural-born, dark state of the opposite.
3. Get fighter’s body without the busted up face.
4. EAT ALL FUTURE QDOBA VEGETARIAN BURRITOS WITOUT THE TORTILLA, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, AND SAVE 350 CALORIES. They’re good and all, but not 900 calories good!
5. Buy a Kia Soul like the hamsters, or something comparable.
6. Run a race of any length.
7. Rid house of all things unnecessary.
8. Hug the dogs more.
9. Go to Europe.
10. Plant baby carrots in backyard.

Best Birthday Card So Far

2009-07-01T17:10:00.003-04:00

June 2009 Playlist

2009-06-30T11:08:00.002-04:00

Fever Ray - Fever Ray

Defeater - Travels

Earth Crisis - To the Death
Return of the bandanas!
>

Lewd Acts - Various Stuff

Mastodon - Crack the Skye

Metric - Fantasies

Narrows - New Distances
>

PJ Harvey and John Parish - A Woman a Man Walked By

Soul Control - Four Singles

System of a Down - A few tracks here and there, namely "Hypnotize," "BYOB," and "Toxicity"

Tombs - Tombs

That's it, I think.

Breakers and Gold Pride Settle for 1-1 Draw

2009-06-18T14:58:00.001-04:00

Breakers and Gold Pride Settle for 1-1 Draw

I hate Amy Rodriguez.

Saint Louis Hands Boston First Home Loss

2009-06-15T08:38:00.001-04:00

Here. Do I ever suck at journalism.

Hey, WPS Fans! Who’s Bored?

2009-06-10T11:34:00.001-04:00

Women’s soccer fans waited six years for this—the return of a professional league. Those years felt long. Odyssean, practically. But now it’s back in the shape of the WPS...and, heavens, is it boring like never before.

Don’t get me wrong: I was one of the firsts in line for Boston Breakers inaugural season tickets. I broke out all my Breakers blue that I had packed up back in 2003 after the collapse of the WUSA, thinking, Yes! Vintage Meinert jersey! (I’ve since added a Smith shirt to my collection, FYI.) I buy products of the WPS’s sponsors, watch Fox Soccer Channel every Sunday, and secretly hope St. Louis Athletica will gain enough steam to roll over every team in the league to meet the Breakers in the WPS’s first championship match, where, of course, they will fall victim to a dominant and healthy Boston squad that will be courteous enough to not run the score up too high.

But wait—here’s where the helium quickly leaves my Go WPS! balloon: Fanaticism aside, I am seriously struggling to devote myself to this league. There is little excitement or passion on these fields and even less flair. We have world-class players that either aren’t making world-class plays, or are making such small amounts of world-class plays that they’re easily forgotten as world class. Plus, I’d imagine it’s particularly difficult to be consistently inventive and creative when there aren’t exactly inventive or creative players around you. And the one thing about the lack of creativity in this league that makes me shake in my shoes is this: For the players do display awesomeness on a weekly basis (Hi, Kelly! Hi, Marta! Hi, Aya!), can or should the WPS expect them to return next season when they could possibly find better, more competitive challenges in Germany, Sweden, or France?

And now, making matters only worse and truly sucking any passionate parts of the game off the field, we have a commissioner handing out suspensions for words spoken or for seconds of rough play that resulted in possibly nothing more than a bruise or a cut (I’m talking about the Christine Latham/Joanna Lohman suspensions now, not the Wambach one, which not only was the most ridiculous and mindless foul ever committed by a woman wearing cleats, but also a real blow to the “world classiness” of the league, with Daniela out for the season). You know, as a fan (and one with disposable income, in case you’re reading, Antonucci) I like to see the players get a little heated under the collar every now and again. It’s a good reminder that this game isn’t always as pretty as all the ponytails suggest. Plus, who are these suspensions protecting? A sincerely sub-par refereeing staff? Players that don’t know how to duck? But alas, Lohman has already sat out her one-game suspension, and Latham—a good, physical, and aggressive forward who, with minor exceptions, always brings a spark to the Breakers’ front line—is on schedule to sit out two.

For someone who truly wants this league to succeed in a glorious way, but is getting worn down by a product that’s only average on its best weekends, what now? I fear I’ve exhausted the following positive mantras: It’s still early. Give them time. They just need to gel. And so now I’m faced with a choice: Pack my bags and try my luck in Europe, or adopt a new, only semi-positive line of thinking—I guess it’s better than nothing.

Before I Forget: Breakers 2, Athletica 0

2009-04-28T16:47:00.009-04:00

Saturday, April 11. Photos by Karin Perry.

Writing for Free

2009-04-22T15:29:00.004-04:00

It's fun, but Linda disagrees:

View From The Stands At Boston's WPS Debut

Undisputable Passion Found in the Women’s Game

Ooga-Booga

2009-04-22T15:28:00.001-04:00

Memories, All Alone on the Green Pitch

2009-04-10T10:39:00.002-04:00

Check out that beautiful goal my Mary Frances Monroe around 0:49, Angela Hucles DDT on Jackie Little at 1:06, Mia Hamm roughing up the untouchable Maren Meinert at 1:08, and the amazing typo at 1:15. Karina LeBlanc for the Breakers! Dagny Mellgren! Bettina Weigmann! Stephanie Mugneret-Beghe!

Boston Breakers V. 2 have much to live up to. Here's to watching them kick it all off at home this coming Saturday, and hoping memories like these are soon to be in the making.

Breakers season kicks off with a fall to FC Gold Pride, 2-1

2009-04-06T11:07:00.008-04:00

Well, the good news was it was a great game regardless, despite the last-minute goal from Milbrett to steal (at least) a point away from Breakers. Milbrett, of all people. Didn't even get picked up in the draft—teams just passed right by her—and she puts it in with minutes to spare. Ridiculous.

Let's start at the back line: Our defense looked good, then bad, then good, and then bad again. The Gold Pride's first goal was a pretty one: A gorgeous cross to the middle by someone named Weimer (why Weimer is not spending time on our National Team, I don't know) to Japanese, Afroed forward Eriko Arakawa. Gorgeous, gorgeous. Left almost everyone flat footed and watching it float on by and into the net, except for Luckenbill, who made a late (but fruitless) dive. Not too much our defense could do right then.

I expected more of a presence from Scott, but maybe that's only because I don't know the English ladies that well yet. LePeilbet had a good showing, but, like Scott, it would be great to see a little more consistency. Augustyniak-Goffi and Mitts had good games. Mitts worked her flank well, but had little help in the midfield to properly distribute the ball up front.

And about our midfield. What the fuck. No, really—WHAT THE FUCK. We have superstars here: Lilly, Hucles, Smith, and a younger player named Kacey Moore. Now, it's Kacey that I'd like to focus on first. Don't know why she wasn't subbed out sooner...or at least BEFORE Hucles was. Girl was a black hole. Gets the ball, loses the ball. Passes the ball, right to opposing team member. Gets the ball, loses the ball. Slow on the pitch. Slow on decision making. Slow to the play. She had 70 or so minutes to lose those nerves, assuming that's what plagued her, but nothing. Consistently terrible.

Now, Hucles didn't have that great a game either, but she's a vet and a proven player, so let's give her a little more time. Same goes for Lilly. Although she had some ugly corner kicks, some less-shiny moments out there, she's still a workhorse at however old she is now and having just given birth to a baby girl eight months ago. You don't get down on Lilly, the same way Red Sox fans don't get down on David Ortiz. You bite a knuckle and suffer through, but you don't cut into veteran talent.

Smith was the saviour. From her first touch, she made a difference. She's creative, moves well on an off the ball, can blast a shot as well as distribute soft through passes with equal precision...she could battle Marta for MVP this year. Smith and Lilly worked well together early in the game, exploiting the Gold Pride defense on the left-hand side of the field, but again—it didn't hold for 90 minutes.

Amy Rodriguez and Christine Latham were our starting forwards. Can't wait to see Latham settle into her game, since she's far more effective as a forward than she looked on Sunday, having seen her play for both the Canadian National Team and the WUSA's San Diego Spirit. She doesn't have the finesse that Smith and Lilly have, though, so I'm only slightly concerned with how she'll work with them. Time, maybe, to learn how to read her new teammates, to figure out where she should be and where to expect the ball to go. Rodriguez (I'm going to try to resist calling her A Rod, at least early on, because, I mean, COME ON, BOSTON) had a few good moments, but she needs to learn how to finish. Put the ball in the net, Amy. That's why you're here, why you were first-round draft pick. When you have as many chances as you did last night, you've got to capitalize. Dig?

Some subs made a difference. Bishop and Weber came in for Hucles and Moore, respectively, both of which added a nice little spark to the offense. Would love to see either player start over Moore next weekend. Schmedes came in for Latham and did a fine job as well, but I'd still like to see the Canadian get another shot in the starting 11.

I don't know who to blame for the Gold Pride's second goal. I probably already sound a little too negative about a team I've loved for many years now, and I'm so happy to see them back, even with all the new faces. So, for this reason, I will blame the second goal not on our defense nor our goal keeper, but on Tiffeny Milbrett, that stupid, washed-up has-been, who always knew how to move on the field—and apparently still does.

Go Breakers.

Required Reading

2009-04-06T10:58:00.002-04:00

Kicking Off
Can Brazil’s Marta, the best female soccer player in the world, get the new women’s soccer league off the ground?

Notes on Boats—or, Better Yet, on Sticking to Your Fucking Goals

2009-03-25T13:39:00.002-04:00

I just spent the last, oh, 10 minutes or so writing in this little red Moleskine journal. It has been in the front pocket of my bag for at least a month now, and I swear, when I opened it, I could hear the spine crack.

I haven't written anything of quality in so long that it was seriously weighing me down. It still is, actually, since my 10 minutes with Little Red didn't really result in anything groundbreaking or formative. Still, though, let's focus for starters on small goals—like writing for 10 minutes, and not about work (kudos to me, by the fucking way, for ignoring the "Competitors Partnering for Innovation in Automotive: The Global Hybrid Cooperation" article that's waiting patiently for me, lighting up my screen—deadline awaits!—and writing anyway).

Seeing how I blew my "published by 30" goal, set way back when I was 19 or so, when I thought I'd be dead before 30 anyway, doomed tragically to the life of a poor, struggling writer, with addictions of all sorts and a list of ne'erdowell lovers rolling right past you out the fucking door and down the stairs—19 year old me: you had good plans...you did!—I've now decided to extend my own deadline. I will now be published before I turn 40. "Published" includes by my own hand, out of my own pocket, and read only by my small group of friends and family.

I have this 80,000+ word manuscript that's giving me an ulcer, but I'm letting it win by allowing it to sit in its nasty state of medicore-ness, its nasty state of inconsistency and fuck-off moments.

I have a little over five years to nail this goal. I'm hoping I'll only have to use two of them.

Julia #1

2009-03-06T13:25:00.002-05:00

Julia spends her weekend wasting time, washing laundry. She gets up early and puts on thermal underwear, blue jeans, a sweatshirt. She buys coffee at the convenience store on the corner, walks three blocks down to the dog park, repositioning her scarf after each time the wind blows it loose from her neck.

There are only two Labradors. Two Labradors and what she thinks is a mutt. When she sits, she catches all their attention, and one of the Labs and the mutt coming running her way. The Lab stops when his name is called—Rocket, good dog name, she thinks—but the mutt keeps keeping, running casually toward her, leaving himself open for other distractions, better offers. No one is calling the dog’s name.

Julia says loud enough for the mutt, but not for the people standing in a small circle holding in their hands leashes but no dogs, “Here, doggy doggy.”

The dog stops short, about 20 feet in front of her, and digs his paws into the snow. He lowers his head, and Julia watches his brown tail move back and forth, his brown eyes on hers, empty, full, empty, full, she thinks as she watches this tail.
Julia says again, “Here, doggy doggy,” and leans forward.

But then he’s off. He makes a break like he’s going to charge, but then changes paths almost as quickly as he started toward her. It’s fast and dizzying, and he’s running with long, jovial strides, practically begging her into chase.

Write or Die Writing Lab

2009-02-12T12:23:00.001-05:00

Do it.

Write or Die Writing Lab

DO IT OR ELSE!

Late to the Game: Really Good Music I've Only Now Stumbled Upon

2009-02-05T09:53:00.000-05:00

Satyricon
The Age of Nero

Click me for consistently good metal, with black metal roots. Don't get me wrong—I love these guys—but Satyricon, after having heard the last two albums, is good at one thing and one thing only: being Satyricon and not swaying from their "new" Satyricon sound. There's little progression or growth found on "The Age of Nero," but I don't think I need it. The recipe's fine as it is. (Also, this one came out only last month, so I've really missed only little.)

Daymares
Toothless and Fanged

Literally just found these guys yesterday, courtesy of the Cursed blog. They're from Poland and they sound like Skitsystem, so my fascination with European hardcore punk has been rekindled.

Mönster
Death Before Disorder

There are some Seein Red elements found in Mönster, I think, which is what really grabbed my attention. I'm not talking mirror reflection, I'm just talking reminiscence. Loving it.

December Wolves
Blasterpiece Theatre

So, so unfortunate I missed this band's heyday, especially since they're local. This album is everything that's good and exciting about metal music. Shame on me.

Doomriders
Black Thunder

Seriously, I don't know how I missed this. What was I doing in 2005?

Top 5 Parents That Kill

2009-02-04T11:39:00.016-05:00

1. "I felt like I'd been kicked by a horse"—John and Patsy Ramsey

2. "You guys are not understanding my side on this and I'm sorry"—Casey Anthony

3. "Everybody say goodbye"—Andrea Yates

4. "Why was everything so bad in my life?"—Susan Smith

5. "My babies are dying"—Darlie Routier

Christian Bale's Explosion Remixed to Perfection

2009-02-04T11:33:00.003-05:00

From veryshortlist.com (02.04.09):

"On Monday, tapes of Christian Bale’s on-set F-bomb tirade hit the Web. Yesterday, the Los Angeles–based composer RevoLucian pounced and posted a profanity-laden remix.

"Bale’s outburst took place last summer, during the filming of Terminator Salvation. It was directed at cinematographer Shane Hurlbut (who’d committed the sin of walking into the actor’s sight line), reportedly just days before Bale’s mother and sister filed a complaint against him with cops in England. Needless to say, it’s NSFW, unsuitable for children, and endlessly entertaining."

Dailies

2009-01-12T10:52:00.003-05:00

1. Fuck You, Penguin
2. Pitchfork Media
3. Deathwish, Inc.
4. Boston
5. Dennis Cooper
6. Casey Anthony
7. Stalking
8. Women's Pro Soccer
9. WWE
10. Animal Rescue Site

Convicted Oregon child killer up for parole

2008-12-09T10:16:00.002-05:00

"Downs continues to fail to demonstrate any honest insight into her criminal behavior," Harcleroad wrote. "She continues to blame others for the commission of her crimes, and blames her attorney, the police officers, the prosecutor and others for her convictions. Even after her convictions, she continues to fabricate new versions of events under which the crimes occurred."

At trial, a jury believed the prosecution's assertion that Downs drove to the isolated road, got a .22-caliber handgun out of the trunk and shot her children. She then shot herself in the arm before driving to a hospital, prosecutors said.

Linda Bresonik Photo (or Foto) Day, Part 2

2008-12-02T13:39:00.015-05:00

Part 1 of Linda Bresonik Photo (Foto) Day was actually quite popular, and I didn't even know it until recently. Actually, if you do a very generic search for "Linda Bresonik" on Google—not that I do—(oh, who am I kidding!)—you'll notice the post comes up fourth or fifth in a list of about 20,000 references. There are even replies to this post, which shocked me, and then made me very happy, and then made me want to make another.

Now that Linda is a super stud, her photographs are even easier to find. So let's get to the goods!

I like this one because it reminds me of Paris Hilton's mug shot. Not that Linda looks anything like Paris, but there's something about the lighting here that does it for me. Anyway, I found this one and thought, "Ooh! Someone's done something bad!" But she hadn't. Linda's good.

I like this one. Linda sweaty is never a bad thing, it turns out. Me, sweaty? Not so good. But the again, I'm no Linda Bresonik.

I don't know why I decided to do commentary for all these, since it's not at all necessary. Still. This is Linda giving stink eye to the ball.

Linda likes iced tea, maybe. In this picture, she also looks very tall.

Ow..!

...But that's okay—I got a trophy!

Linda Bresonik: Big Fan of Trophies

Girl's so famous, got her own Autogramm Karte.

It's so sick, I know, that I'm hoping Conny Pohlers is out there someplace bawling like a baby.

Winner—You're looking at her

2008-12-02T10:56:00.002-05:00

With very many thanks to National Novel Writing Month, I now have 89,908 words to revise over 2009.

Fuck.

Linda, Inka, and Martina: Oh my!

2008-11-10T15:10:00.003-05:00

Dear Golden Girls,

How in god's name have I missed this one for so long? I'm serious—how did it get by me? Why was I not notified? How did Linda and Inka get on the same team again, with Linda no longer banished to the mid-tier? How is Martina Voss the assistant coach of this team, featuring both Inka and Linda? Hadn't she been kicked off the squad during Euro 2001 for essentially losing her cool over Inka's unfaithfulness, and wasn't this unfaithfulness with Linda? Am I missing the inherent purity of this photo, coloring it red with all my misinformation?

I wanted to Photoshop an image of Holger Fach in here someplace, but as it is, the team photo is so fucking priceless, why bother making it a mess.

I'm half hoping the German tabloids are tearing this one to shreds, but then again I don't. And then I do.

NaNoWriMo 2008

2008-11-03T10:17:00.001-05:00

This Halloween, Treat Yourself to a Little Pin and Fasten Fun

2008-10-31T12:45:00.002-04:00

Created by the immeasurably beautiful and boundlessly talented Karin Perry. I bought 7!

You can see more of her art here.

Vote Yes on 3!

2008-10-28T16:10:00.005-04:00

Hi. My name's Pedro. Don't worry—I'm not going to ask you for money. I'm posting today only to let all Massachusetts residents know that I am tired of running around in circles after a mechanical bunny. In fact, I don't even know how I got into this profession. One minute I'm applying to the Gap, the next I'm in a tiny metal crate. Seriously—I am better than this! (Note to self: Next time, apply at Banana Republic.)

Anyway, I'd appreciate it if everyone who lives in Massachusetts could VOTE YES ON 3 to save dogs like me. Before you do, I think it's best to visit question3facts.org for more information on why you should. Plus, this way, everyone's informed and you're not making decisions just because I said so.

In short, VOTE FOR PEDRO (that's YES ON 3), so I can finally live my dream of selling overpriced, argyle socks at the South Shore Plaza.

Sweet.

Upside-Down Dogs

2008-10-28T16:06:00.007-04:00

Upside-Down Dogs.

The Less Provocative Songs of Katy Perry

2008-10-06T16:29:00.000-04:00

Further Proof That Linda Bresonik Is Attracted Only to Dogs

2008-09-03T13:13:00.004-04:00

Aha!

Ha, ha!

2008-04-29T21:01:00.002-04:00

I forgot my password.

You'd think "boobies" would be easy enough to remember.

Hey! Remember when...

2007-11-26T13:01:00.000-05:00

I used to have a blog?

Favorite Writing of the Week

2007-11-06T16:03:00.001-05:00

On behalf of our mother and ourselves, the children of Robert Moore Sr. would like to make the following statement:

We want to express our thanks to the members of the Needham Police and Emergency Services Departments, the Massachusetts State Police, the Boston Medical Examiner’s Office, and all of the many other dedicated professionals involved in the response to the attacks at our parents’ home last Friday; without exception they have been effective, responsible, and kind. Along with the Lanigan family, we thank the staff at Beth Israel Deaconess for caring for our Beba as if she were their own.

Our father has been described in some reports as an elderly man; in truth he was a great old guy, very much alive in his very rich life. He was a smart, great-hearted, funny, sentimental, and incredibly generous human being. And his loss is beyond telling. A moment’s encounter with a terrible darkness may have ended his life, but it touched nothing essential about him: he remains a radiant light.

Regarding the person who did this, there is only this to say: our hearts ache for the grief and horror of his family, and we wish them healing and peace.

Finally, we request that the members of the media respect our privacy. We are deeply appreciative of the thoughts and prayers of the larger community that shares our shock and sorrow, but we are private people, and we are heartbroken. Our father would thank you for turning from the door, and leaving us to the long work ahead.

Germans Win World Cup Twice in a Row

2007-10-01T12:37:00.000-04:00

Which turns out is quite unusual, and good on them! They handled the fiesty Brasilians with relative ease.

A happy, happy German celebration:

Also, I may have the only semi-women's-football blog that WILL NOT mention the Hope Solo controversy. Well, that's not true. I'll say this: FREE HOPE SOLO!

Otherwise, there isn't much to report on today, but in the name of CONSISTENCY, I figured I'd post something.

Note to self: take no shit.

Women of Hardcore, Metal, and Punk: A YouTube Exhibit

2007-09-28T17:10:00.000-04:00

Walls of Jericho

Arch Enemy

Bikini Kill

Free Verse

L7

Otep

Jucifer

Beyond Pink

Harum Scarum

Photography of Yesterday's Delicious Deutscher Defeat of the Norwegians

2007-09-27T10:16:00.000-04:00

Brazil Beats U.S., Advances to Finals

2007-09-27T09:56:00.001-04:00

Well, I was thinking in the shower this morning that today would be a great one for YouTube clips. My proposed theme? Women in hardcore punk that I've admired over the years. Well, turns out that's hard to come by via YouTube. For instance, check this one:

Okay, great audio, right? But yeah, no real thrill, no "pop."

So let's nix the women screaming day. Or at least for now. I will add metal to this list and will hopefully be much more successful.

THE BRAZILIANS BEAT THE UNITED STATES 4-0 TODAY TO ADVANCE TO THE WWC FINALS.

This is wildly devasting news for some. Not for me. But it is a little for my dad and Karin. Yeah, I can't stop smiling, though. I hate the idea of the Brazilians touching my Germans, but I'll get over it. I think the Germans can pull through if they come out strong from the get go.

Also, Karin should be hired as head coach of the U.S. national women's soccer team. Her recipe for success today was as follows, and I quote:

1. Leave Solo in.
2. 4 in the midfield.
3. Start Tarpley.

None of this happened. U.S. goes home disgraced.

So, well, I'll just sign off now, perched high upon my lofty cloud, with only a small handful of photos from the disaster. And a good day to you, too.

Germany Advance to the WWC Finals

2007-09-26T10:15:00.000-04:00

For someone who has such a perpetual hard-on for women playing soccer, you think I would have used this last month as nothing but a source of inspiration for blog entries. Alas, I did nothing but watch.

So, yes, I'm starting late, but at least I'm starting. Germany dismantled the shakey Norwegian team today in China, beating them 3-0, with a little extra help from Trine Rönning's own goal in the 42nd minute. The Sexy World Champs, or the SWCs, will be waiting on the winner of US vs. Brazil, which goes down tomorrow morning.

I'm giving the nod to the Brazilians tomorrow who I think will tactically outsmart our clumsy Americans by the buckets full. Germany will go on to beat them on Sunday morning, playing the Brazilians physically and aggressively, knowing that it'll only be a short time before they lose their cool and start conceding stupid fouls.

Deutschland über alles!

From the quarterfinals:

For Meg, For Collin, For the Guy on MySpace

2007-09-25T09:04:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone! Angela here. Mark this date as Silly Blog Entry Day, and here's to hoping it's a good one, with my spirited attempt to make this space less boring. BORING, as some would say--that "some" being someone in particular who I thought would NEVER take such a cheap shot. Cheap, I tell you!

Although this is best done in email—for a million and one reasons—here is my life in a tiny, tiny nutshell:

- I'm reading Moby Dick. It's really good!
- This is the first time I've written anything since August. Oh, wait! I did write one line down in my notebook and I'm not sure how to use it, but it goes a little something like this: "You are a mess in every room of the house." I have no idea where it came from, but the entry is dated, so I found it particularly pertinent on 8-15-07.
- I like this blog's title: "Faster Ones." This feeling is new to me.
- I think it's because NaNoWriMo is right around the corner.
- I keep calling the web browser Firefox "Foxfire," like the Joyce Carol Oates novel. Ha! I think it's funny! Remember the movie with Angelina Jolie and Jenny Shimizu? Of course you do!
- It feels like this is the first time I've had a moment to breathe at work. I'm taking advantage.
- Germany will win the Women's World Cup this Sunday.
- I have three jobs.
- I'm ready for bed.
- This is not Haiku.
- Germany: World Cup champions!
- I've decided to try to focus more on writing, despite having the absolute most fantastic distraction from it, in all her sexy wiles.
- I'd like to do this again tomorrow.

More later, pals. Love to you all!

Sincerely,

Your buddy Angela

For fun:

Of all the funny things that happened this month, here are the funniest

2007-08-13T16:39:00.000-04:00

A Top Ten

1. It's been over a month since I posted anything to this blog.
2. I knew that it had been over a month since I posted anything to this blog.
3. Despite the guilt, I did nothing to remedy this.
4. It's been longer than a month since I last worked on the novel.
5. Triple the above-mentioned guilt for the lack of novel attention.
6. WWC is coming up. Women running around in shorts makes me LAUGH!
7. I went to B&N thinking that I still had my gift certificate left over from X-mas, but when I was at checkout, I couldn't find it anywhere. I got Falling Man by Don Delillo anyway and am so happy I did.
8. I've gone to more parties this summer than I have in the past 10 years.
9. I'm a 33-year-old woman and I love hardcore punk. Shut up.
10. Holy shit is life in general better.

AH HAHAHA!

And now, the ladies:

Dating Sexy Evil

2007-07-03T12:41:00.000-04:00

***NOTE: ALL WORDS BELOW USED WITHOUT PERMISSION***

From: xxxxx sxxxx
Subject: Re: Teleportation
Date: July 03, 2007 09:22:29 AM PDT
To: Angela Txxxxxx

>>>>>>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote: So what would you like to do with me?

>>>>>>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 05:51AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>>>>>>I thought you had plans

>>>>>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote: I don't. Do you?

>>>>>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 05:56AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>>>>>I do not

>>>>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote: Well, consider this an official invitation to make plans with me. I am totally and entirely yours.

>>>>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 06:18AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>>>> you feel like staying in or going out?

>>>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
>>>>> I could be persuaded on either option! Have anything special in mind?
>>>>>
>>>>>I don't care what we do, just as long, at one point during the night, I get to put my hand in your pants and feel you very, very wet. It's my only requirement of the evening.
>>>>>

>>>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 07:21AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>>>How about I make or buy you dinner and then we can work on
>>>>>what is required for the evening?

>>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
>>>> This sounds very, very good to me. Especially the latter half.
>>>>
>>>>You're leaving work around 3-ish? I just need to mow the lawn. Do you want to see me before or after this happens? The mowing?
>>>>
>>>>God, I want to see you RIGHT NOW. Magically appear, damnit!

>>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 08:00AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>>If I really could magically appear anywhere in the world right now
>>>> it would be Angela's cubicle, XXX Research. Boston, MA.
>>>>
>>>> Honestly that would be it,
>>>> not some beautiful island or Stevie Nick's house.

>>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
>>> You'd have to warn me first, though. I have to clean for you!
>>>
>>>I can't believe I got placed higher than Stevie's house!

>>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 08:08AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>>How dirty can your cubicle be?
>>>
>>> Odds are that She is not home right now, I bet her house is
>>> super awesome though.
>>>
>>> Still, I would go to you first, give you a quick kiss and then
>>> head to Stevie's.

>>Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
>> Well, there's some paper clearing that needs to happen before you teleport yourself to my side. Not too, too much, but enough.
>>
>>Bxxx would be so freaked out, it would be hysterical!
>>
>>Okay, conversation that would undoubtedly unfold:
>>
>>A: Hey! That was fast!
>>X: That's why they call it 'teleporting.'
>>A: Right.
>>X: Okay, I don't have much time. Kiss me.
>>A: Wait--where are you going?
>>X: Stevie's.
>>A: Stevie's?!
>>X: Yeah. Since I can teleport, I don't need keys.
>>A: Oh, fuckin' a.
>>X: Yeah. So, hurry.
>>A: That's not breaking and entering?
>>X: Just entering, I guess, seeing how nothing will get broken.
>>A: Okay.
>>X: Come on. Lay it on me.
>>A: When will you be back?
>>X: (Grumbling.)
>>A: You're a sexy motherfucker.
>>X: I know I am.
>>
>>It's fun as hell to make you talk, dude!

>On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 08:54AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>>I was thinking that the conversation could also go like this:
>>
>> A: Hey! What the hell?
>> X: Something wrong? I thought you wanted to see me.
>> A: Dude, you where supposed to warn me.
>> X: Ha, I know.
>> A: Look at all this paper I need to clear.
>> X: The paper can't clear itself ? Stupid paper.
>> A: My cubicle mate is freaking out.
>> X: Really? Oh...I hadn't noticed.
>> A: Are you ever going to kiss me?
>> X: Just ran out of time, I have to go now.
>> A: No wait.

>Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
> I can't believe you'd come all the way to Boston and not kiss me. This is an evil screenplay, Xxxxx Xxxxx!

On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 09:06AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
>You know I am evil and therefore will write evil screenplays.
>
> Plus...All the way to Boston.
> Dude, I teleported...it wasn't that hard.

Angela Txxxxxx wrote:
>Still! What kind of screenplay are you writing when there's kissing to be done, but you stop the kissing with lines like, "Just >ran out of time, I have to go now."
>
>People will be THROWING SHIT at the movie screen.
>
>Mine's much more satisfying to the general audience. Yours is good for a torture movie. You have to admit this.

On Tuesday, July 03, 2007, at 09:22AM, "xxxxx xxxxx" wrote:
For the audience to be like WHAT! NO WAY!
that can't be it, there has to be more and then
they start throwing shit. This is what I want,
because I am evil.

How You Doin', Young Lady

2007-06-07T11:17:00.000-04:00

Two things happened at the Nelly Furtado show that surprised me:

1. I did not cave and buy her $55 hooded sweatshirt.
2. I was a little bored.

Now, I love Nelly--her music, her face, the way she wiggles when she dances--but when I told my mom last night that I could have brought my 3 1/2 year old niece, it was not a joke. Her show was very, VERY kid friendly. To Karin, I said, "It's like we're watching a live taping of the Mickey Mouse Club." She even had her backup singer cover Mr. Mickey Mouse Club's "SexyBack" while she changed off stage, and again...the sanitized, kid-friendly version.

Nelly was upbeat, gracious, kissy, wavy, thankful--everything. Apparently, she LOVES Boston and told us this repeatedly. But when she did Timbaland's "Give It to Me" and then her own "Promiscuous," something was lacking. Her sassiness and sexiness that's so easily captured on film, maybe. Still, Nelly was quite focused on putting on a great show, and despite the 20-minute, ballad-only segment in which she wore a dark formal dress, she was upbeat and full tilt.

She also sang a song about soccer, but the people at BU gave her a hockey jersey to wear during this performance, forcing her to comment, "But this isn't anything close to a soccer jersey." Her dancers could have been wearing Revolution jerseys, although it was hard to tell from my distance, not to mention all the flashy, neon lights in my eyes. During this song, the dancers tossed out inflatable soccer balls while Nelly took out a marker and signed a real one, paced across the stage looking for a worthy recipient, and then gently tossed it--a girly toss--toward a mini-sea of outstretched arms and hands.

I couldn't remember what time the last train was on a weeknight, so I grabbed Karin and made us leave one song into the encore. This means I missed "Maneater." This means I missed my favorite Nelly track. This wound is slowly healing.

Some pictures for you, taken with my cell phone. That's right—only the best for you guys!

The Nelly stage, with curtain and people sitting patiently but in extreme anticipation.

Maybe some people you know. Her backup singer's name is Jasmine, just like the Disney princess.

Nelly! Tiny, mini Nelly!

Picture courtesy of The Boston Globe, so you can actually see the way she looked on Tuesday night. Fucking flawless, indeed.

Angela's Emo Bullshit Plus Special Guest Carina Round

2007-06-06T13:28:00.000-04:00

Six months ago I was using this space to copy and paste lyrics and sentences from novels that I felt applied to me, my life, and my emotions. This was a fun journey, looking through them all again (especially Metric's "Live It Out," which is such a brilliant song, but how I felt that one fit I'll never guess). It's nice to sit and think and find what I'd identify as an obvious progression. It's nice to be past the sharp rocks, the ones that, if you were to fall, it'd take you minutes if not hours to get back up, assuming you were lucky enough to pull through. I know there are so many more to pass, but for the first time in a while it feels easy, like coasting.

Worst recovery metaphor ever, by the way. Jesus christ.

And in the name of this blog's new face, one that showcases the writing of everyone but me, let's move forward to "Stolen Car" by Carina Round. You can hear the track on Carina's website.

I've been trying to keep my breathing even and low, afraid that at any moment this bubble could burst.

---

Carina Round—"Stolen Car" from Slow Motion Addict

Treated my body like a stolen car
Wait
12 story building drop
Wait
I didn’t mean to be looking for you
But its cold in the alley and my life’s a mess
There's a room on fire in the back of my brain
Been searching through faces
But they're all the same

My mouth burns up when i try to speak
Something about you makes me feel so weak
I can't seem to find what i came here for
You know we could be lovers but i just want more
My arms are open but you play with me
A sweet striptease

You stand there waiting for the blood to drain
Too long waiting for a day that never breaks
Watching it pass like a speeding train
Hold me now or
Run run run run

Temptation
I give up the fight
Tonight my body is an open mouth
Temptation
I just have to know right now
I don't want to be the one
Who let you go

Carina Round Official
Carina Round on MySpace

Eye Candy: Nelly Furtado

2007-06-05T14:46:00.000-04:00

With all due respect:

Come on—who wants to see Kelly Clarkson with me?

2007-06-04T12:35:00.001-04:00

Kelly Clarkson, you guys! America's pop idol!

Seriously, I will bring my sister if I have to.

News tomorrow night on the perfect threesome: me, Karin, and Nelly.

PS. Divorce rules.

Finally—Carina Round Day

2007-05-23T13:49:00.000-04:00

Seriously—it's about time. Slow Motion Addict finally out June 5th. Mark your calendars. Mark them in thick purple marker, just like mine. See you in line, chumps!

Notes From Collin, No. 1

2007-04-19T10:20:00.000-04:00

i just realized that i really have an issue with the Great Space Coasters' theme song line, "going to the other side - where only rainbows hide." if the rainbows are hiding there instead of coming out, who the fuck wants to go there? maybe they meant that though on earth monsters hide everywhere just ready to pounce, on "the other side" you're pounced "only" by rainbows, which is better. but it's just not that clear. it sounds like they're saying "our monsters don't hide here, they're out in the open, ready to eat you. but on the plus side, we have some rainbows hiding in the bush. no, they don't come out, but we just like knowing they're there." and then they get eaten. they wonder why our generation turned out the way it did. well let it be known and quoted from here unto the Other Side: "we were taught to hate rainbows."

i inherited this from my mom and grandma, the analyzing sentence structure. my grandma was a woman who READ the dictionary - she came from a line of folks who were intent on mastering english to pass as white (and soon did). my mom just picked it up and ran with it. she was a french teacher who also speaks a bunch of other shit - she just has a knack for language - but english? when we have a conversation and i do some wrong grammatical shit, i see her silently panic and attempt to concentrate on the story, but her mind keeps wanting to say, "'It's Erin and I', not 'Erin and me.'" i'm exaggerating a little. i don't give a shit about grammar but i'm obsessed with makin CLARITY. and this is why the theme song is now gonna drive me crazy. i think i'm a little ocd. but again: it's in the blood.

Allyson's Book To Be Major Success; Bennington Shits on My Insanely Huge Ego

2007-04-10T09:57:00.000-04:00

This is my blog, so my news comes first.

For those keeping track, I was accepted to the masters program at Emerson but was very kindly and courteously rejected by Bennington yesterday. I was going to use a baseball analogy to tell you what it is I'm batting, simply because it's Red Sox Opening Day at Fenway Park, but I really hate baseball and don't know what the average would be. This stung like a motherfucker—yes, very much so—but now I feel as though I have something to prove, which is fantastic. It's something that I haven't felt in a very, very long time, and I think it's good, to be able to put again drive and serious desire into something that means so much to you, but you make take advantage of in various ways for nonsensical reasons. For lazy reasons. So, fuck that. Time to get shit done.

I will apply again to Bennington for the January session. I will apply over and over until they accept me out of pity.

---

Allyson's Fantastic News: Beatrice Makes Publishers Weekly's Top 25 Hot Books for Summer List!

Okay, she is sandwiched between the following names: William Gibson, Barbara Kingslover, Chuck Palahniuk, Don DeLillo, Ian McEwan, and more. MANY, MANY MORE BIG NAMES. Yet she still doesn't think she'll get on Oprah, and has denied wanting to visit the set of the Colbert Report. Whatever, Al. Just remember us little people.

Here is the Allyson-specific text, followed by a link to all those big, glowy names:

Alyson Beatrice's true tales of trolling the Internet and planning events for obsessive TV fans, Will the Vampire People Please Leave the Lobby? (Sourcebooks, Aug.), could also be a winner. "I'm a sci-fi geek, a genre television geek and an Internet community geek," says Halley, "plus I love any author who can bring on the funny, so this one is right up my alley."

Publishers Weekly
Preorder Allyson's Book at Amazon, for Chrissakes

Brain Sick

2007-03-30T20:26:00.000-04:00

It's the best way I can describe the thing that happens. It comes, almost always, right before I can find the time to sit down and actually create. Writing or design or whatever. This time, let's hope for writing.

It's mostly scene flashes and feeling like I'm not who I am. A removed, hovering feeling, like I'm only inches above my head, floating and waiting to be returned.

Come to think of it, this could also be psychosis.

In my weekly meeting with my boss, I told him that I was doing better, but all I wanted was to have energy for things other than TiVo and smoking. I told him about my writing problem, about how the ideas were there but I couldn't move them from my brain onto the page. He told me that his desire to write hadn't returned since he was divorced. This scared me more than anything that's happened in the last four months. This scared me more than finding her email, more than reading what it was she really thought about us and about me.

Then this made me think that maybe I love my imagination more than I loved her. And this could be entirely true, but part of me thinks that it probably isn't.

I finished Bett Williams' first book today, Girl Walking Backwards. I was going to give up on page 46 or something, but I'm happy I didn't. I think the last 40 pages made it all worthwile, like, buried in the back was her reason for writing it.

I feel like I need a reason to finish this novel, and I think tonight I found it.

Thirdly Speaking

2007-03-28T12:44:00.000-04:00

Kate sits in the big red chair, the only thing in the house that she rightfully owns. Everything else belongs to Chris or Chris's family. The television with television stand, matching antique maple bureaus in the bedroom, forest green drapes made from a heavy, velvetlike material, all sit on his credit card, except for Kate's chair. When she bought it that day, she watched him furrow his brow and cross this arms over his chest, puffed out with his back straight, chin up.

He said, "It's expensive for something so shapeless."

"That's its style," she said. "You see chairs like this everywhere, but this one's good because it's the perfect size." And Kate turned back to the chair then, looking down on it kindly, longingly, as if to say I will defend you to the death.

"Like a marshmallow," Chris said, rocking slowly and slightly on his feet, growing impatient and wary of her decision. "The back cushion, it's like a mutant marshmallow or something, with Gremlin ears, you know, when they're flat, straight out." With his hands, fingers nestled tight together, he gave himself the ears for demonstration, a six-foot Gremlin in a red baseball cap.

Kate said, "But we need something for the living room," which was currently occupied only by the television and boxes of dishes, some table linens ready to cover a table that was still on order. Kate and Chris moved into their new house three years ago, as soon as the last inspector had inspected, and after Kate had convinced Chris to install the front and back door locks first, the bathroom floor tiles second.

"Why this?" And he used this hand to motion at it dismissively, convinced it was not for them, this red lump. It was not meant for their living room, stark white with high ceilings, the ceiling windows inviting rays from the sun down for 11-hour stays, filling the room with a honied glow and a healthy warmth they could never match through use of central heat. It would not complement the four French doors that led out to the deck that curled itself around the back of the house, the place where they could look out on the far horizon of the ocean, the tiny cottages owned by people wealthier than them that sat on its shore. "Why red, for chrissakes?" Chris asked. A red like Hester's A.

Kate sighed, collapsed in it again like she had right before the salesman aproached them with a careful smile. She sat low and loose, territorially: legs spread, arms draped over the rests, head back on the marshmallow mutant. She looked at Chris, watched him move the cap on his head, repositioning it two, three times before he brought the visor low over his eyes and let it be. He shook his head, cleared his throat. It's what he did when his mouth wanted to fight but the words couldn't come.

Kate said, "It's my money, so just let it go."

Chris put his hands up then, stepping back and looking far across the furniture showroom, saying, "I know, all right."

Kate used her hands to push herself up and sit straight, cross her legs. She watched Chris, trying to put a time on when she had lost her interest. He lost the fat, his puffy cheeks and eyelids only eight months after he had finished chemotherapy. He worked with his hands and his legs, his back, ever since recovery, building houses for his father's construction business on the south shore. Chris was tall and lean, the muscles in his calves and forearms well defined. Kate used to run her fingers against the baby hairs on his arms, tracing the muscles lightly, until he pulled away and accused her of tickling.

Chris was pretty. Even with a face that went two days without a shave. Even with that ugly red baseball hat that Kate had hidden in the cabinets above the refrigerator but he found every time. He had light blue eyes and full lips, long eyelashes. He kept his hair buzzed close enough to show off a perfectly shaped head, his hair thin and light brown, his scalp free of any scars or dents from childhood injuries. Chris was so handsome, he looked feminine.

"He looks like Jared Leto," Heather had said once, Kate's high school friend, when they waited for the bell to sound and signal the beginning of the school day. Heather looked over Kate's shoulder, fully absorbed, at Chris who stood with his friends. She said, "If you don't do it, I will."

Amy Winehouse Video Day

2007-03-26T09:32:00.000-04:00

Inspirationless, Inspiration-Free

2007-03-15T15:36:00.000-04:00

Well. It seems as though this site is almost too much for me to handle.

Upcoming Website Insanity

2007-03-11T17:37:00.001-04:00

www.agitproplovesyou.com

The Great Potsdam Exodus

2007-03-07T13:18:00.000-05:00

Turbine Potsdam, last season's German champions, has essentially been stripped bare of all star power. We're talking national squad players exiting by the barrel full here, and presently sitting not so pretty in fifth place in the women's bundesliga, you have to wonder just what Coach Schröder's wondering. And it's probably a quite simple, "Oh, shit."

Let's recap:

Early in the Season 2006-2007

Viola Odebrecht

Viola returned from a year (I think) of college in the States, where she played for the FSU Seminoles, and immediately went on to Iceland to wear the colors of Valur Rejkjavik. Upon her return to Germany, she signed with FCR Duisburg, and Potsdam fans worldwide could hardly contain their anguish. Well, maybe not worldwide. But, whatever. I was heartbroken.

New superstar teammates: Inka Grings and Sonja Fuss.
New superstar teammates on the up and coming: Annike Krahn and Fatmire Bajramaj
Decision to move: Brilliant. Duisburg will probably be the only team to stay hot on the heels of league-leaders FFC Frankfurt. That's right—there's a gleam in her eyes for a reason.

Britta Carlson

I don't think Britta played a minute for TP this season, having signed on with Wolfsburg, following the lead of Potsdam's Brazilian stars, Christiane and Paula. Courtesy of Carlson and Odebrecht's departures, the team now has a huge fucking hole in their midfield, one I don't think has yet to be filled.

New superstar teammates: Martina Müller, Navina Omilade, and Christiane.
New superstar teammates on the up and coming: Stephanie Ullrich.
Decision to move: With the recent signing of Navina Omilade, Wolfsburg should have a pretty good showing for the latter half of this season. But next seaon Wolfsburg should be the team to watch.

Winterpause/Restart of Season 2006-2007

Ariane Hingst

Well, well, well. When the captain bails on the ship, my friends, it is most certainly sinking. As Mittag returns home from Sweden, Hingst goes up to Stockholm's Djurgården/Ålvsjö. This may have been the straw that broke the camel's back, seeing that the news on both Pohlers and Omilade followed almost immediately.

New superstar teammates: A gazillion—Victoria Svensson, Kristin Bengtsson, Jane Törnqvist, and Bente Nordby.
New superstar teammates on the up and coming: Not too sure.
Decision to move: Ideal. It will be the most interesting to see where Djurgården plays Hingst, either in the midfield or on the back line. I love the idea of her sandwiched between Bengtsson and Tornqvist, and I bet Sylvia Neid does, too. It seems strange to place so much on one player's entry, but this should firm up the team for solid competition in the race for the Women's European Cup. And hey—doesn't everyone love a German in Sweden? Oh, I know I do.

Navina Omilade

If I'm reading my German right, Navina either has or will be signing with VfL Wolfsburg, joining old teammates Britta Carlson, Christiane, and Paula. With the rejoining of Omilade and Carlson in the midfield, Wolfsburg should look pretty damn sharp.

New superstar teammates: Martina Müller, Britta Carlson, and Christiane.
New superstar teammates on the up and coming: Stephanie Ullrich.
Decision to move: This came as a huge surprise to me, only because I half expected Omilade to follow Pohlers to Frankfurt. Either way, it's a good one.

Conny Pohlers

Frankfurt?! She goes to FRANKFURT?! You know, I don't get this. I don't care how many friends she has there or how fancy they look sitting in first place. Go to Essen, Conny. Go to Duisburg. Go to SWEDEN. Go anywhere but Frankfurt.

She goes to Frankfurt.

So, the team is solid on almost all fronts, and where Pohlers is going to fit in sort of mystifies me. She will not replace Birgit Prinz or Sandra Smisek up top. She will not replace Renate Lingor, Kerstin Garefrekes, or Louise Hansen in the midfield. So, unless someone is hurt or retiring soon, I can't quite figure out the line up. But I'm sure there's a space because at this point in her career, she's not giving up starter status to sit on a bench. The only (and I mean only) good news about this is that Conny will be rejoining old Potsdam teammates Petra Wimbersky and Karolin Thomas, and maybe there's potential for her to go pro again.

Otherwise, honey, this is where I get off. Fuck Frankfurt.

New superstar teammates: Silke Rottenberg, Renate Lingor, Steffi Jones, Sandra Smisek, "Golden Girl" Nia Künzer, Kerstin Garefrekes, Tina and Pia Wunderlich...pretty much the whole fucking squad. They're the Chelsea FC of women's soccer, minus all that money.
New superstar teammates on the up and coming: Sarah Günther and Petra Wimbersky.
Decision to move: For Conny's sake, hopefully a good one. And the way I see it, there is no way Frankfurt will not be in the Euro Cup finals next year.

Addendum: Linda Bresonik Photo (or Foto) Day

2007-03-06T12:11:00.000-05:00

Linda Bresonik Photo (or Foto) Day

2007-03-05T10:35:00.000-05:00

You know what I haven't done in a while? I mean, really? Post pictures of cute German women who play soccer. I think I'm the only one who enjoys these days, but this is my blog, buddy, so let's have at it.

Linda, please tell me the Holger Fach thing is actually a really big, misunderstood joke. You can leave your comment here. Thanks, doll!

Johnny Dangerous Video Day

2007-03-05T10:01:00.000-05:00

Goddamn you, Johnny, I can't get this song out of my head! DAMN YOU!

To My Sweetheart on Our Tenth

2007-02-21T21:30:00.000-05:00

First and foremost, you don't deserve this. Not this or my thoughts or the place in my chest that feels heavy today, the spot right behind my heart.

Here's what you do deserve, in case you're wanting something: my voice loud and angry in your ears, or the glass of your windshield, your driver-side window, shattered across the front seats of your car.

You are a coward, so mentally and emotionally retarded that I hope one day you will get the help you need. I don't think a hard cock will fix all your problems, but I know you're thinking otherwise.

I can't believe six drinks and a grope was worth ruining nearly ten years with me. Was worth ruining not only our relationship, but our friendship, too. These years made entirely invalid by your selfishness, your years of silence and false commitments.

This is what I wrote last night for you. It is heavily edited, only the parts from the very beginning, because—believe it or not—it actually got worse from there.

And all anxiety was unwarranted; today was not a bad day. I had a good lunch and drank a beer in honor of us, told our story once again to a woman who sat wide eyed and speechless. (It's a long one—have you noticed? Or are you still only presenting your own highly edited version?) I got a buzz, felt like I made a good friend. I got a bonus, a money one. I got a nice smile in the hallway from a woman I see every day, but do not know her name. I'll learn it by asking her. My boss made me laugh a dozen times. The dogs seemed extra-happy to see me, and I got a "just checking in" phone call from mom and dad from their vacation in Florida.

I do not have a bad life, despite what happened, what you did. I think you made me stronger, made me appreciate what's left: my family, the people around me, and the ones 3,000 miles away. You've made me change direction, but I think it's only moving up and out. I can count on both hands the number of people who have told me that now my life can take on any shape I want it to and I look foward to that restructuring.

I miss the phone calls during the day and I miss you at night. I hope that someday soon I won't.

You were described today by a complete stranger as "tragic," and this is the most accurate term I've heard yet. So here's to our tragedy, to our tenth, and to many better years for us both from this moment on.

Angela

Aaaaah!

2007-02-20T20:22:00.000-05:00

Conny Pohlers, your very image has an unnatural effect on my body.

My Parents

2007-02-18T22:02:00.000-05:00